Dream:

I was in a four story mansion that was very much shaped like a square. In the bottom level, the basement, there was an inlay where all the plumbing was located for the house. The inlay was deep and filled with water all the way to the top, which was level with the floor. Inside there were two cylinders with pipes connecting everything. The water was a green brown color and stagnant from sitting for so long. I looked closely at the water and debated touching it when the man that was with me warned me that it may be toxic. I looked at the cylinders and thought that they could contain something that was poisoning the water, so I refrained from touching it. The man and I agreed that we would find a way to get the water drained, perhaps by calling a professional. I went back upstairs to the third level when the man came to find me to show me what he had discovered in the basement. We returned downstairs and the water was all gone; the piping was dry and the room was clean. He showed me the wall that he was able to open like a “the flood gate” that he used to release all of the water from the room by sending it down the hill and into a dried pond bed. Now the pond was filled and the hard dirt around it was dry. I wanted to go down to the pond so I crawled through this small opening. I stopped before exiting completely because of drops of acid-like liquid that was dripping from above onto a cement pathway. I watched as the droplets landed on to the cement and a thick squiggly cloud rose about an inch from where it splashed. Yet even in seeing this I still attempted to dodge the falling drops of acid-like liquid to get outside. I was hit with one in the arm and another on the head. They burned when they touched my skin, only leaving what looked like a healed scar on my arm. I continued on down the dirt hill to the pond and saw that the water was a light turquoise color floating atop this thick mud. The man that I was with turned into my old boss. He told me that the water that came out of the house had renewed an old pond that was sacred to the Jewish tradition, and the mud at the bottom of the pond was actually clay which Jews used to build basinets for newborn babies. I wondered whether or not the clay had become toxic from the stagnant water which came from the house, and whether or not it would effect the new baby. He continued on about how sacred the space was, and how I just happened to bring it back to life again like it was some hidden biblical scroll lost for centuries. It seemed to me that he saw it as pure from its sacredness, so I did not mention my concern of its possible toxicity. Then I asked him if his daughter, who I am still friends with, was pregnant. I figured that was why he was so excited about making the baby basinet from the clay. He responded by saying that it cannot be announced until the sister of the baby acknowledges its existence (meaning the pregnancy). I thought that was a funny response since his daughter’s other child was four and may not even become aware of her mother being pregnant until she was showing around 6 or 7+ months. Then I pointed out to him that I know his daughter had stopped drinking diet soda for the last 4 months, attempting to prod him a bit for an answer. Again he skirted around the question and stated that it could not be said until the sister of the unborn baby says that her mom is pregnant. I assumed it was an older Jewish belief, something quasi superstitious, and let the questioning go.

 

Analysis:

When I woke up and started to replay the dream in my head, my focus shifted immediately to the stagnant water in the basement or “bowels of the house” and the wall opening like “flood gates” to release all the water. Last Sunday I became very sick stomach flu-like symptoms (but not it is not the stomach flu) that at first seems like food poisoning but then goes far beyond. Unfortunately this is something that happens about every three years or so, with no explanation from the doctor. I was so sick that after vomiting every 15 minutes or so for 8 hours, along with releasing from the other end, I finally surrendered and  went to the hospital. I was so severely dehydrated and having issues raising my blood pressure that they kept me in emergency for 9 hours. Needless to say, it was a rough couple of days, but oddly enough very detoxifying for my body. Very often a house is a dream symbol of your body, and it definitely was in this case. It is interesting to note that clay at the bottom of the pond is a very detoxifying agent that has been used for centuries for various things, but is known to draw out toxins. The stagnant water moving over the clay on the way down the hill and then collecting in the pond, allowed the water to be rejuvenated and cleansed. In this same sort of way by my body ejecting all of the “toxic waters” within, it was able to be cleansed and detoxified.

This whole week I have struggled to eat or drink much of anything as I am recovering from that whole endeavor. However, it has kept me very aware of what I have chosen to eat and drink, all of which has been healthy. My body again has been purified through this cleansing, renewing my awareness of its fragile nature. The body is sacred space. It holds this living aspect (call it self, soul, spirit) of each individual that is only capable of existing within the body that we are given at this time. I am a health conscious person, but have let stress and some non-healthy habits get the best of me these last few months. Those non-healthy habits very well could be represented in the dream by the drops of acid that fell on me as I exited through a crawl space. There was an alternative exit to go outside of the basement, but I instead chose to attempt to dart through drops of acid and become scarred from contact with it (which is how I feel about fried chicken now since I revisited it for 8 hours).

As far as the Jewish traditions go, perhaps that has something to do with my history. My first thought was about my great-great grandfather  (mother’s side) who was Jewish and came over from Austria during the Holocaust. My Aunt tells me bits and pieces about our family history, but for the most part I know very little. It wasn’t until I got into my 30’s and had a child that I realized I missed out on learning about my grandmother’s family history (father’s side), since I never asked those types of questions before she passed on. I still do have time to learn about more of my history on my mother’s side, and do not want to miss out on that opportunity.

The daughter of the Jewish man (old boss) in my dream is trying to conceive or just about to try. I sent her a text and told her that I dreamt that she was pregnant and that she wasn’t saying anything because of a Jewish custom. Haven’t heard back yet, but will be interesting to find out if she is pregnant. If it’s anything like last time, she may not be saying anything until after the first trimester or further in the pregnancy. Last time we visited we actually discussed how a few women we know posted all over Facebook that they were pregnant and then tragically lost the baby before the first trimester. Those women then had to communicate the loss of the baby on Facebook and eventually see many of those people that they would have otherwise chosen not to tell about the miscarriage all together. Perhaps its better to just wait for a while, rather than 300 of your “closest” friends finding out.

 

Tarot:

Choice of Cards: Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue (I chose the Goddess cards because they represent the sacred)

Question to the deck: Please give me more insight into this dream?

Number of cards chosen: originally one, but after seeing the card I decided that I needed more information so I chose another

 

The Goddess Ishtar

Boundaries?! How do you have boundaries and a 16 month old child? My stress build up over the last few months has been due to the attempt to find balance between building my career, raising a child, time with my husband and time for myself (oh and forget about keeping house). I almost started to envy those mom’s who had gone back to work and had gotten used to sending their child to daycare. However, I realize that whatever road is chosen by new mommies is difficult in its own way. I am at the point now where I feel comfortable with the idea of my boy attending daycare a few days a week so that I can concentrate on other areas of my life that also need attention. As of now I just cram everything in that I need to do during his naps, and hope that he will sleep about 3 hours. I have gotten very good at saying no to others, because I have no room to give to anyone or anything else. However it is those things that require my time and energy (i.e. preparing courses on a deadline, getting my blog up to speed, and my child in general) that I do not know if and how their can be any boundaries. My first job is to take care of my son and everything else seems to have to fit around that which often leaves me depleted by nightfall. I have been in the process of ensuring that I am taking better care of myself so that I can take better care of everything and everyone else, but all of this has been a slow process with set backs. The guidebook for the Goddess cards on Ishtar states “A sincere desire to give of service is wonderful. However, there is a distinction between giving of yourself and giving up yourself.” This truly has been my battle within since having a child. I am still finding my balance and will just have to continue on the course of setting boundaries for my wellbeing which will then be reflected in the wellbeing of those around me. That stomach issue that I just had I know is connected to my stress level which in turn affects my immune system. Creating and setting more boundaries between being a mother and being Athena, hopefully will help with the stress once I find a happy medium.

After pulling the Goddess card Ishtar, I felt that I still needed more information. So the next card that I blindly selected from the deck was the Goddess card White Tara.

White Tara

When first seeing this card, I am reminded of the Pure Land of Mayahana Buddhism. Its a heavenly place full of bodhisattvas (enlightened beings whom may be prayed to and help people reach enlightenment), with jeweled trees, rays of light and an abundance of lotus flowers of all sizes. It is a place of reward for living the “right” lifestyle in thought, action and speech. All three of the courses that I have been working on to teach for the B.A. program at the University of Philosophical Research involve Buddhism. Specifically the Pure Land Buddhism is focused on a bit on in the course that I am personally creating, rather than the other two that I have taken over for a retired professor. The course that I have been creating has been on the back burner in order to focus on the other two courses that need to be submitted for accreditation to start up the program. It is always on my mind and I often wonder when I will get a chance to get to it. It is also interesting to note that the lotus that White Tara is sitting on is floating atop of water. Lotus flowers grow mostly in dirty, sludgy ponds and bloom into a beautiful pristine flower. It is like a pure sacred flower that arises out of even the most dark and toxic environments. In the dream the water was originally toxic, but then was purified through the clay when it flowed into the pond. It then became sacred water in a sacred location. It is also interesting to note that a pink lotus represents the history of Buddha and the path to enlightenment. Well that is a part of what I will be teaching when the B.A. program is fully up and running.

The White Tara card focuses on sensitivity. It is true that I have become increasing sensitive to everything around me. I am very particular about the TV that I watch and the people that I have around me. However, lately I have been less attentive towards what I eat, drink and the chemicals that I touch. Honestly a lot of this has to do with our current financial situation. We have been on a budget which has changed my selection of foods due to being cautious about prices. When it comes down to it, I am more concerned that my child gets organic and healthy food and skin products than myself. There are plenty of things that I could still do in our financial situation. Just choosing healthier food rather than what is easiest to make, could make a big difference. Don’t get me wrong, I am a pretty health conscious person — usually. When the stress gets to me I tend to drink more wine more often, eat more sweets and find comfort in fatty foods. As far as the chemicals go, most of my house has natural cleaning products. But there are a few chemicals that are a must have for me, like bleach and Comet, which contact could simply be avoided by just wearing gloves. I always used to wear gloves when I cleaned, and can easily fix that situation by buying some. I used to always purchase shampoo, conditioner, lotions and soaps that were made of natural products without chemicals. That changed when the budget came into effect. Now only my child gets the products without chemicals, because he deserves a healthy start to life. My awareness of chemicals being internalized through the skin has been around for sometime, but when their is only a choice between my son and me having the better products – I choose my son. I just keep thinking that I will be fine for now and eventually when the situation changes I can take better care of myself. Perhaps I need to find another way, a way to take care of both my son and myself (unfortunately my husband could care less and has his own bathroom so we don’t share products).

The Goddess Guidebook on White Tara speaks about having to purify my outer world. My first instinct about that is the detoxification process that I went through last Sunday/Monday, that was definitely started this. Now the mission is to keep it purified by being aware and avoiding taking in harmful foods and chemicals. The guidebook states “Your body is a trustworthy instrument of measurement of your tolerance level. Steer clear of that which your body signals you to avoid. Take excellent care of your body, and it shall serve you well!” The Saturday and Sunday (before getting sick that evening), I indulged in too many things. When I do want to indulge in something, I try to only have one or two and then go back to my regular healthy routine. And the funny thing is that I used to do way more indulging more often, but apparently my age and sensitivity to it all caught up with me. I am becoming more sensitive and I need to be really aware of that fact as I go forth.

There is one particular part in Goddess Guidebook that gives me more hope of a blossoming fruitful future. “You’ve stripped away the outer protective layers of unneeded defenses, which blocked your psychic and spiritual awareness. Now you’re on the path of ascension, which calls for your heightened awareness.” I have worked hard at letting go of my unneeded defenses, especially since my husband is so kind to point out my defenses to me when I am in the act of using them. Since I have become more aware, our relationship has gotten even better than it was before. Through his assistance, I have learned to spot them when they arise so that I get defensive like I used to with my friends or family. I do also feel that my psychic and spiritual awareness has increased in the last year (hmm, wonder when my friend will respond to my text about the pregnancy). Part of this requires me to treat my body better, so that my mind can stay more clear and open to this heightened awareness.

 

Concluding Thoughts

It seems that the Tarot cards focused more on the physical health aspect of my dream than anything else. Some of the Goddess cards do not have a lot of imagery, rather they just focus on the Goddess herself. That is why I could not much relate the image of Ishtar with my dream. However, the words and the meaning in the book helped me to get the message.

I had an “aha” moment the next morning before publishing this piece. The White Tara card pointed out that I was sensitive to chemicals, which led me to write about how I no longer use natural and organic lotions and shampoo/conditioner due to budget concerns. Well I realized that the falling drops of acid that hit me in my dream are actually pointing out that the lotions/soaps (symbolized by the drop of acid falling on my arm), and the hair products (symbolized by the drop of acid falling on my head) are actually affecting my body. While in the short term it may be saving money to buy regular products on the market, it very well could effect us worse financially when I have more hospital stays and my overall health becomes poor. So in order to honor my dream I did go out and replace my shampoo, conditioner, body wash and lotion with products that do not have chemicals. All of which my son and I will both use.