Being a parent is one of the most challenging things that I have ever done. At every turn there is a new stage or step to take towards raising this little human. As I walk through the thresholds of change, my personal struggles are brought forth to the surface – with my inner critic reminding me of my inadequacies, harping on my lack of perfection, and replaying the tape of my human insecurity that I am not good enough.

This inner critic, this strife for perfection and these tapes have stifled forward movement in the most important areas of my life. They have played out in the area of my true passion to be of service to others, they have led to arguments between my husband and I, and they have affected how I look at myself before and after the choices I make regarding our child.

To top it all off, this internal chatter is hopping on the wheel-barrel of issues that are keeping me up at night, cutting off a major source of healing that my body so desperately needs to recuperate from stresses. It also hasn’t helped that my son  has been waking me up 2-3 times a night, so I find myself unable to return to my dreams as a flood of thoughts inundates my mind with worries and possible solutions to life’s complexities. All the while I try to ease myself with the fact that everything has always worked itself out, so I must keep the FAITH  and remember that tomorrow is a new day to try again to create balance in my life.

As I process all of this into written form, I think to myself how a few weeks ago I walked a friend through similar struggles regarding her furry child who has health issues. To me being a parent is taking responsibility for the life of another, whether human or otherwise; we are all just parents trying to do our best with how we raise and care for the ones we love. Seems like this is the time to remind myself of those reassuring words of wisdom that were shared.

~ No one is perfect. We are all going to give our children some sort of complex or some issue, within reason*, that they are going to have to work through in their lives – and that is okay! I believe that every child chooses their parents in order to learn whatever they need in this life as it contributes experience towards their karma or dharma, and in return you too are learning, growing and changing to meet the needs of your higher self. Children have this amazing way of bringing to light our imperfections, and that is a gift.

~ Life does not come with a book of directions. There is no book specifically made for you and your individual parenting situation that can give you all of the answers on how to make the “perfect” choices. We are all imperfect humans; therefore imperfect parents, doing the best we can with what knowledge, resources and intuitiveness we have at hand. Let me repeat that in a different way – YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN!

~ Life is about trial and error. We were put on this earth to find and fulfill our higher calling, and with entry into this life also came the process of trial and error.  Each new day brings an opportunity to do things in a new and hopefully better manner than the day before. If you let your inner critic, perfectionist tendencies, anger or negativity get the best of you today, tomorrow you can be more mindful of what triggers you and try new techniques that will allow you to process it better.

~ Awareness. Intention. Action. Become aware of the thoughts that are haunting you to be the “perfect” parent, or the comparisons with other parents, or the anger that keeps rearing its ugly head, or the negative tapes that are replaying in your mind, or the inner critic that tears you down.

Once there is awareness, then declare your intention to diminish its power over you. Think about solutions that will help you become proactive instead of reactive in the situations that arise. What can you tell yourself in order to counteract the negativity?

The most difficult part of this may be to take action, and to take action consistently. Every time you hear that tape, critic, anger, perfectionist full of negativity about to grasp on to you, utilize your plan of attack to tame it. Eventually, you will come to believe and live your new positive beliefs that you are using to replace the old.

~ Intuition arises when our mind is at peace. Worry blocks solutions, closes down creativity and deters intuition. Incessantly mulling over the problem, or holding on to guilt and anger, does not allow room for much else. That is when you need to stop and do something that eases your mind, like taking a walk, meditating, gardening, enjoying nature, etc. When we allow ourselves peace from the tapes, critic and negativity, we can tap into our deep inner creative wisdom to solve your problems.

~ Accept imperfection as a part of you. The inner critic, perfectionism and anger all have a valid place in our lives as a small part of each of us. The problem is that we can allow them to take over, tear us down and hurt others around us. Thoughts only have real power over us when we view them in a negative way. You may acknowledge these pieces of yourself as they strive for self-improvement, but remind them that their messages need to be delivered in a supportive and healthy way. It is important to integrate all aspects of who we are, both the positive and the negative. By accepting ourselves as imperfect, we can more freely forgive our actions, thoughts and words that are of the lower vibration and replace them with thoughts, words and actions that stem from a higher, more mindful place.

~ Everyday be the very best YOU that YOU can be! Thus being the very best parent that you can be everyday, in whatever form that means for you – leaps & bounds or baby steps. Sometimes it helps to sit back and look at all that you have been through; all that you have overcome in your life. And from that place, find your strength to persevere.

Be Brave, Be Bold & Persevere.

– Athena Kolinski, M.A.

For additional support on your journey, check out the article by Carrie Jain on “From Paralysis to Paradise: 5 Steps to Making Peace with your Inner Perfectionist!”

*Author’s Note: In no way am I condoning any physical, mental or emotional harm towards children. As humans, we should live with integrity and not affect anyone’s free will in a purposefully harmful way. However, keep in mind, “A train is only as useful as it’s track.” – Thomas the Train

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Athena Kolinski, M.A.

Intuitive Reader ~ Tarotpy Practitioner ~ Dreamworker ~ Professor  

Athena is a Religious Studies professor for the online bachelor’s program at University of Philosophical Research, where she attained her second master’s degree in Consciousness Studies. She also attended California State University, Northridge for her first M.A. in Interdisciplinary Studies (focus in Religious and Chicano Studies), and a B.A. in Religious Studies.  Athena is a certified Tarotpy Practitioner and New DreamWork Coach, as well as an active member of International Association for the Study of Dreams (IASD).

Athena offers individual and group life guidance and dream interpretation sessions using the Tarot, Tarotpy and various dreamwork methods. In these sessions, she guides others to find answers towards their path using her intuitive/psychic abilities. She also blogs her dreams and interprets them using various methods with the Tarot. She has been a regular guest intuitive reader on “Your Life and Purpose Revealed” on Living Well Talk Radio Network, interviewed on the D-Spot by Kelly Sullivan Walden, and featured as a dream expert at the NewDreamwork Summit and NewDreamwork Day with David Dibble.