Over the course of the last month, I have hardly been able to catch one of my fleeting dreams. However, I am aware that I have been dreaming of a common theme, although I cannot remember much in regards to details. The theme has been one of organizing by either cleaning, sorting or sifting. Most of the month, if not two months, I have been cleaning/organizing a room. In awake life, my way of organizing is to turn everything upside down first. I will pull everything out of draws and sort things into piles. Then when everything has been sorted the organizing begins by gathering things in the areas that they belong and finding the best layout to fit it all in to the space that is provided. In one tidbit of a dream, I am organizing brushes and personal care items on a vanity. There is a basket with dividers and I am putting the combs with the combs, the brushes with the brushes, etc. This dream may be referencing the fact that since I have been a mom, I have put my child before my personal upkeep in many ways. It is months between hair coloring, eye brow threading and there are times when I just plain forget to brush my hair as I run out of the house for one of his planned activities. I have realized over the course of this year in particular, how important it is that I still pay attention to my “vanity” needs. By doing so I feel so much better, prettier and sexier, which in turn makes me a happier woman and my husband a happier man. There are many new moms that will tell you that they just want to feel pretty again. If ignored it will slide them into a depression, however it can be an easy fix if caught early enough (amazing what some toe nail polish, haircut and hair color can do).

The other night I remember watching the sifting of items moving from left to right, as if being moved by a powerful force like gravity. As the items moved, the larger ones were sorted out to the side, so that they rest of it could continue on in the flow. It was very reminiscent of the factory machines that sort nuts, seeds or fish by sizes so that the same sized items are together for whatever purpose is chosen for that particular size (ex. smaller seeds grounded up, larger ones sold in packets, etc). The items moving were mostly red-orange in color and a lot of the bigger items were other colors like blue. My first reaction to this dream was that I have been weeding out issues in my life, like I am refining what I need to be focusing on now. Since most of the dreams before were about larger items being organized, I feel that I have made a significant movement towards cleaning out my mind of what is no longer needed or of importance. It feels like a very spiritual movement as well. It makes me feel as if I am getting closer to having ME organized and together in a whole new way. My instinct is that the colors have to do with my chakras. On a website that discusses the chakra color meanings, it states “When you see red, consider a sonic boom of powerful action propelling you forward. Consider this the spark of action. Make this hot red heat the seat of your physical, spiritual, emotional birth. (http://www.whats-your-sign.com/chakra-color-meanings.html)”. In the dream the items are being propelled, but rather than forward, it is propelling items from left to right. That could be the movement from logic (left side of the brain) to creativity (right side of the brain). I found this article only after I had described my dream, and it completely resonates with what I was saying. This is truly the beauty of dreams, when the dream world aligns with the outside world to create a synchronistic event making you more aware of the interconnectedness. Since the color was red-orange, I also read the meaning of the color orange, the sacral chakra. It speaks about refining the creativity brought from the root chakra (red). However, my sense is that the movement of the color was coming from the opposite direction, moving away from orange and into a full red color. Like if it was quarter turned then it would be falling down and out of the body, back to the primal mother from which it came.

This thought flow leads me to connect with the events of last week when I attended a workshop of my mentor Lauren Schneider at Pacifica Graduate Institute. Towards the end of the event, she had us break into groups and pull tarot cards (this being the same way that I work with clients). Before blindly selecting the tarot cards, you must think of a question. My question was “What do I do to get things going with my career?”. Then I thought of how many cards I would need to answer this question. The first number that popped in my head was 3. I created a quick layout of how I wanted these displayed, and mapped the layout of what each card would represent. The cards were displayed in the shape of a happy face. Starting from left – right I chose the first space to represent what is in my way, the second to represent me, and the third to represent how I get there (all the placements being subcategories of the question). I blindly selected each card with the question and subcategory in mind, as if asking the cards to give me the most detailed answer that they could. Now these cards were a story tales deck (forgot the name, but not the one that I have), so they give you the answer through a fairy tale in which to learn from, in addition to a meaning suggest by the card’s guide book. The first card in the layout, the “what’s in my way” subcategory, was the 8 of Pentacles with the image referencing a story about two giants and a human of the trickster type. The meaning that the book gave was that I needed to organize and draft a plan. This card clearly supports my dreams in telling me this.

Another thing that resonated with me when researching colors in dreams, was that the color red can denote feeling tired or having a lack of energy. Which is very true in my case, but also connects to the image on the 8 of Pentacles for the subcategory of “what’s in my way” to getting my career going. In the image the giants were resting/sleeping against a large tree. The first thing that I said to the group I was working with about that card is that perhaps it is telling me that laziness is getting in my way. However, in reality I know that I am not able to really be lazy – I am always busy trying to fit in as many things in my day as I can. So really it is about my lack of energy, the constant feeling of being tired, that is getting in my way of doing things. I started working out a bit over a month ago to help with this issue, but I have yet to feel the benefit of extra energy from this active lifestyle. It is so interesting how my dream lead me to look up the meanings of colors in dreams, which connected me with the lecture that I attended last week, which then gave me insight into the card that I drew and did not completely understand at the time. This is the synchronistic way in which life works, however, most of us do not take the time follow its path. I do not do it enough myself.

So what is it about this common theme of organizing in my dreams? Well, I honestly feel like it is a purging of those things which need to get thrown out or moved aside, along with a clarity through organization of those things which I need to keep and understand. The dream theme of organization seemed to start with me cleaning large rooms and now has refined down to the smaller sifting of shapes and colors. I feel that this is a movement that is leading me to the organization of the core things in life. The feelings, ideas, priorities, etc. that have been so all over the place the last couple of years as I have tried to constantly adapt to major changes in my world (pregnancy, marriage, quitting work, motherhood, new identity, etc). I have had to look at the pieces of myself that still make sense and fit with the new me, and let others go that no longer work. Recently, I have been mourning the piece of me that was the eternal student. Going to Pacifica Graduate Institute really made me want to go back to college for my Ph.D, and live that life submersed in education. It is not like I cannot go back eventually to get a doctorate, but I missed that feeling of being on a campus and being deeply intellectually challenged. Life is an ever changing cycle of levels within ourselves, and another new me will come along in the future that can be in a place to choose that life again.

How can I now honor my dreams of organizing? In awake life I can put together a better plan on how to organize all of the things that I personally need to do for myself and career. My son’s world is pretty well organized, so I just need to better merge my needs with his. Creating a physical drafted plan that covers his activities with my career goals, can actually help me get a handle where I stand amidst all of this. Not to mention, it will show me how my time is spent and if I am making the most use of the time I have. My son is always going to be my number one priority, but my needs can also take priority in my life and do not have to throw off his world. There is room for compromise in the need for organization.